I’m back! My last of the Nivestym shots (self-administered, to my belly) was last night. I will not miss that unpleasant evening ritual AT ALL! Really, the worst of it was the smell of the isopropyl alcohol as I applied the antiseptic wipes to my belly, before the shots. I started to associate that smell with the chemo infusion process (much isopropyl alcohol is used, as your IV port is accessed), and it made me nauseous — I had to hold my breath while I dashed off to stuff away the wipes in a trash can. All done with that!

And yes, I am done with chemo (for this year). It’s been a surreal experience, going through these biweekly hibernation cycles. My sis Katy was up for this last round; she got there on the afternoon of my last infusion day. I was already descending into the “zombie zone” at this point:

Katy helped out in innumerable ways while she was up here (thanks Katy!). She was staying at a nearby Airbnb and got me set up there for a few blocks of time in which I was really able to rest up (and sleep in) – a nice treat! The fatigue was deep again for me this last round; there was much horizontality.

And, plenty of chemo thinky thing (I saw this pic recently in a post in the Colontown online forum — I love this):

The cognitive effects of chemo — I found those to be really frustrating, and I wonder to what extent these resemble early-stage dementia. Ordinarily, I believe I’m a pretty decent communicator — I enjoy expressing myself, in talking and writing. But in the days after each infusion (especially the last few), communication became this stressful, difficult experience. I couldn’t remember what I had said before. Words escaped me. I got frustrated.

For example, one night last week — when all the stormy weather was happening, with the power outages all over the Puget Sound area — I had some of my worst side effects ever from chemo: throat pain, tight jaw, waves of dizziness. I got worried when I tried eating a bit and it felt like my throat started constricting. I ended up calling Fred Hutch to check on this — but I felt like I was making no sense in the phone call. I remember being embarrassed when, after I had rambled for a bit, they asked me if I could, um, summarize for them. What was the primary reason for me calling them? I apologized and explained it was my throat constricting — I was worried about an allergic reaction, to the oxaliplatin. They helped to put me at ease about that, explaining to me that it was too late after the last infusion for there to be an allergic reaction like that. I guess it was just more of my reactions to chemo — as anticipated, hitting me the strongest at the end.

At any rate, I have returned to the land of the lucid. Now, there’s a big question whether I will need surgery or not. Likely it’s a yes, but I don’t think I’ll get an answer on this until Dec 9. This Wednesday, I’ll be at Fred Hutch for an MRI and CT scan — those results, along with a sigmoidoscopy from the surgeon on Dec 9, will determine whether or not surgery is happening for me, come January.

In the meantime, I’ve got to say, I’m really happy to take a break from treatment for the time being. I get to enjoy the holidays this year! I don’t seem to suffer from scanxiety — I’m honestly excited to find out what the heck is happening, via the scans this week, and I’ll post updates here about that, in the upcoming weeks.