Category Archives: Nostalgia

So. Central Rain

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Good news in the scheduling department; I’ve got some key appointments recently confirmed:

  • Wed. Nov 27 (Thanksgiving eve): Doubleheader with MRI and CT Scan. I’m happy these scans are actually happening this month, instead of December. As I’ve been quite anxious to learn what this long slog of radiation & chemo has accomplished.
  • Mon. Dec 9: Sigmoidoscopy and prep discussions with the surgeon. I’m assuming at this visit I’ll learn if I will indeed be undergoing surgery, or not. There’s a chance — they said around 20% — that the radiation & chemo may have completely wiped out the tumor (and affected lymph nodes), thereby rendering surgery unnecessary.
  • Fri. Jan 3: If it needs to happen, surgery will be on this date. This is a Low Anterior Resection (LAR) surgery.

This past week has had its ups and downs, basically as I expected. I am thankful (again) that I took the entire week off from work. In my down periods — which don’t really happen on a set schedule — the brain fog continues to mess with me.

I did have a chance to get out for a couple walks today; that was the most exercise I’ve had since before Halloween. Seattle in Autumn is a time steeped in sweet nostalgia for me, always bringing me back to my first year in college in 1992. As I was out and about today, I listened to music that was on heavy rotation for me in that time period. R.E.M. — particularly Reckoning — was in my ears likely every single day throughout the early 90s. Today, So. Central Rain really took me back:

And the Sundays … I’ve waxed nostalgic about them before, way back in 2012. Although I do espy one little white lie in that post: I didn’t have an actual Walkman — not the name brand version, too expensive! I think my portable cassette player was made by Sanyo or some such brand, and was suitably low-cost. The classic Sundays track for me will always be Here’s Where the Story Ends –

This song vividly evokes those Autumn 1992 memories for me, those solitary walks up and around Queen Anne hill in Seattle. Those first months of college were so exciting, and thoroughly formed the foundation for the rest of my life — but I recall it was also a very exhausting time, and I found refuge in music. As I still do, to this day.

I had a calculator watch in the 1980s

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If you remember the 1980s, do you remember calculator watches? I remember I used mine so much that the tiny little buttons wore down. I also had a Frogger watch; it was tons of fun. It looked like this:

I was apparently so obsessed with these ‘80s technological wonders that I even dreamed about them. For example, this dream from Feb. 11, 1987 (I was in 7th grade):

Me and some other people were being held hostage by these crooks. The crooks had all these weird gadgets that they had stolen at different times.

One of the gadgets was a calculator watch. It could compose music! It could save up to 37 songs that a person made. In the directions, it said that the button that controlled the volume looked like this: 1/2.

I never could find that button.

There’s also other things

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A cool thing about being 50 years old is that there are a lot of years to look back on and appreciate. I find it helpful to realize that, although cancer absolutely defines my current life experience — and is in many ways similar to massive, complex project management initiatives I’ve worked on — it does not define my entire life.

I was up to other things in past years. Fun things! For example, 14 years ago, I lived in Manhattan, and one time hiked the length of it. Looking back at the post, it’s surprising that the free map app I used at the time is still around; the map of my route is still in there. So many other free apps I used back then have long since died. I’m actually surprised my old blogspot blog is still around (with a link to a posterous blog, that long since died).

So, I may indulge in nostalgia now and again, to add a little variety to this otherwise cancer-focused commentary.

As a child, I was an obsessive chronicler of life’s mundane moments. Seriously, I have hundreds of pages of journal entries describing meals, what I learned in school that day, who was present at youth group, etc. Fortunately, I also kept a dream journal, and that’s a lot more interesting to review.

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Reading, Writing & Arithmetic

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I’ve been calling 2012 my “year of flux,” but 20 years ago I also experienced a momentous year. 1992 was the year I moved away from home — a summer spent in Washington DC as a software tester (strange coincidence that I also spent this summer living in DC), and then the start of college in autum ’92.

Probably right around 20 years ago this week, a guy on my dorm floor introduced me to Reading, Writing & Arithmetic by The Sundays. I was immediately transfixed, and listened to it over and over. He made me a copy on cassette tape (this is how people shared music back then). I have vivid memories of walking around Seattle’s Queen Anne hill on crisp, bright autumn afternoons — big old trees, big old houses, views of Puget Sound and “mountains in stereo” (Cascades to the east, Olympics to the west), with The Sundays providing the soundtrack on my walkman.

Harriet Wheeler, the vocalist, has a voice that takes a little acclimation. Some friends of mine never could adapt, including a girl I had a crush on, who said “her voice is so annoying, like a drill in my ears.” I duly ruled this girl off my list of romantic possibilities, because musical compatibility was such a big deal back then. Indeed, everything is a big deal when you’re 18 years old.