Category Archives: Music

So. Central Rain

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Good news in the scheduling department; I’ve got some key appointments recently confirmed:

  • Wed. Nov 27 (Thanksgiving eve): Doubleheader with MRI and CT Scan. I’m happy these scans are actually happening this month, instead of December. As I’ve been quite anxious to learn what this long slog of radiation & chemo has accomplished.
  • Mon. Dec 9: Sigmoidoscopy and prep discussions with the surgeon. I’m assuming at this visit I’ll learn if I will indeed be undergoing surgery, or not. There’s a chance — they said around 20% — that the radiation & chemo may have completely wiped out the tumor (and affected lymph nodes), thereby rendering surgery unnecessary.
  • Fri. Jan 3: If it needs to happen, surgery will be on this date. This is a Low Anterior Resection (LAR) surgery.

This past week has had its ups and downs, basically as I expected. I am thankful (again) that I took the entire week off from work. In my down periods — which don’t really happen on a set schedule — the brain fog continues to mess with me.

I did have a chance to get out for a couple walks today; that was the most exercise I’ve had since before Halloween. Seattle in Autumn is a time steeped in sweet nostalgia for me, always bringing me back to my first year in college in 1992. As I was out and about today, I listened to music that was on heavy rotation for me in that time period. R.E.M. — particularly Reckoning — was in my ears likely every single day throughout the early 90s. Today, So. Central Rain really took me back:

And the Sundays … I’ve waxed nostalgic about them before, way back in 2012. Although I do espy one little white lie in that post: I didn’t have an actual Walkman — not the name brand version, too expensive! I think my portable cassette player was made by Sanyo or some such brand, and was suitably low-cost. The classic Sundays track for me will always be Here’s Where the Story Ends –

This song vividly evokes those Autumn 1992 memories for me, those solitary walks up and around Queen Anne hill in Seattle. Those first months of college were so exciting, and thoroughly formed the foundation for the rest of my life — but I recall it was also a very exhausting time, and I found refuge in music. As I still do, to this day.

Infusion the Fourth

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This past Thursday, the 19th, my 4th chemo infusion finally happened. (It had been rescheduled, and then rescheduled again).

Learning my lesson from past infusions, I was all bundled up, and a lovely blanket (thank you, Aunt Donna!) kept me nice and cozy.

This infusion went .. dare I say it? Not bad. Certainly, much better than the prior two infusions. There was no nasty mania to contend with (which was the problem with infusion #3).

I believe much credit for this is due to the changes that I requested through prior negotiation: no antihistamines, and the inclusion of lorazepam (Ativan) up front. While they didn’t completely avoid antihistamines this time, they left out the Zyrtec, which was clearly the culprit for me going crazy last time. They still insisted on my taking Pepcid (another type of antihistamine), and fortunately I didn’t react to that. And, lovely lorazepam helped keep me calm.

So – lesson learned: cancer patients, advocate for yourself during the treatment process! Consider approaching the discussion like I did — as a negotiation. For me, this really worked.

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For health, for strength — for eating fun.

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Wrapping up my third week of chemoradiation treatment, I can say that the side effects have gotten more pronounced, day by day — as expected.

  • In my first week, I had some mild fatigue. In my second week, those side effects became more noticeable: I’d forget things, feel generally slow and lacking in energy. I also started to feel some intermittent nausea in week two. All that was the capecitabine: the chemo pills.
  • But in the third week, the effects from the radiation started to kick in: intermittent burning sensation (mild) in my rectum, intermittent periods of bathroom urgency, pain while pooping, and pain while peeing. Occasional butt pain when I’m just sitting (seems most noticeable when I’m driving). All that stuff kept me up last night; I was in the bathroom a lot. Which meant I was sleepy and slow today.
  • Brain fog seems to be the worst on Monday evenings, after dissipating on Sunday (I don’t take the chemo pills on weekends).
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Reading, Writing & Arithmetic

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I’ve been calling 2012 my “year of flux,” but 20 years ago I also experienced a momentous year. 1992 was the year I moved away from home — a summer spent in Washington DC as a software tester (strange coincidence that I also spent this summer living in DC), and then the start of college in autum ’92.

Probably right around 20 years ago this week, a guy on my dorm floor introduced me to Reading, Writing & Arithmetic by The Sundays. I was immediately transfixed, and listened to it over and over. He made me a copy on cassette tape (this is how people shared music back then). I have vivid memories of walking around Seattle’s Queen Anne hill on crisp, bright autumn afternoons — big old trees, big old houses, views of Puget Sound and “mountains in stereo” (Cascades to the east, Olympics to the west), with The Sundays providing the soundtrack on my walkman.

Harriet Wheeler, the vocalist, has a voice that takes a little acclimation. Some friends of mine never could adapt, including a girl I had a crush on, who said “her voice is so annoying, like a drill in my ears.” I duly ruled this girl off my list of romantic possibilities, because musical compatibility was such a big deal back then. Indeed, everything is a big deal when you’re 18 years old.